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Emotions, Mindfulness, Low Expectations and Music

In today’s post along with a painting I’ve been working on this August I’m sharing a few points that Ι intended to include in the previous post, but in the end omitted because the piece was getting too long. In relation to emotions and change I had prepared some notes on Antonio Damasio’s Somatic Marker Hypothesis and a bit on mindfulness.  I had also prepared a short paragraph on how schemata and beliefs around low expectations can hinder children and adolescents’ (and adults’) learning and future achievements. Going to a jazz festival here on the island over the weekend also brought about my sharing two music related videos.  Finally, the passing away of the Greek composer Mikis Theodorakis urged me to end this post with one of his song.

Emotions and Somatic Marker Hypothesis

As I mentioned last time emotions are important in our decision making. We need our emotions, both the so called “negative” emotions and the more pleasurable ones in order to function and make decisions. They are our guidance system and they are central to decision making. Our total inability to feel pain and fear, for instance, would lead to disastrous living and it would further compromise our life span. From an evolutionary perspective emotions support our chances of survival, passing on our genes, and also, remaining safe. However, because we don’t live in savannahs anymore some of our emotional responses may not be helpful in our contemporary environments, where corporation and connectedness are more important than aggression and over vigilance, for instance. Antonio Damasio claims that emotions are not only mental activities, but are primarily somatic and that the brain uses emotions and bodily sensations to make decisions. The term somatic in this case refers to body and brain related signals, which we experience as emotions and sensations. We recall memories, often unconsciously, of previous similar situations and remember the feelings related to the outcome, and these experiences guide us towards or away from something, for better or for worse. Damasio formulated the somatic marker hypothesis (SMH), which provides a neuro-anatomical and cognitive framework to understand decision making, and basically, suggests that our decision making is biased by emotional markers generated by both cortical and subcortical circuits of the brain. These somatic states attach value to given options, and mark them as having potential positive or negative consequences in the future.

According to Damasio’s findings and theory when we want to make more complex decisions and when the outcomes are uncertain, then our emotions, sensations and the brain’s ability to maintain an internal equilibrium are essential to making the decision. Whenever there is uncertainty conflicting responses may be triggered, and we may, for instance, feel both excited and anxious over a choice. So, it becomes obvious that emotions are critical for our decision making, and therefore, people, who for any reason are deprived of generating the appropriate emotional signals may not be able to perceive long term consequences. Practically, lack of emotion because of injury or disease, or psychological numbness can hinder decision making as much as being overwhelmed with emotions. Lack of emotional awareness can also sway people towards immediate gratification, addictive behaviours or reward and failure to recognise long term negative consequences.

Mindfulness

“Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose in the present moment, non judgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.” Jon Kabit Zinn (professor of medicine and the creator of mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), offered by medical centers and hospitals)

A lot of what is described above happens almost automatically, and this is where mindfulness can help us. Mindfulness is a type of meditation that can help us shift our experience through feeling and acceptance of what is arising, increasing insight into why we feel what we feel and how this can lead to particular behaviours. It’s a technology that can help us discern and feel the whole spectrum of our emotions and acquire insight into the thoughts and sensations related to our emotions, freeing up space and allowing us to interact with the world from a place less burdened by our past experiences. It can increase our capacity to pause and choose how to respond. It has been proven that mindfulness can improve concentration and creativity; can decrease stress and alleviate pain; can bring about more clarity concerning our emotions, which can lead to more emotional intelligence, and increase our capacity to cope with painful emotions. Being more mindful of our emotions and the related baggage helps us gain a little space to think before we act upon addictive urges or make important decisions. Through mindfulness our brain gets better at detecting sensory experiences and we gain more sensory clarity, and our brain itself undergoes changes or grows in certain areas. Research has shown that through meditating on emotions and sensations we increase not only our knowing of how we feel, but also, how others feel, and thus, it can enhance our capacity for empathy.

Low expectations

In the previous post I mentioned that high expectations and perfectionist schemas can cause stress and negatively impact our decision making, our fulfilling our potential and general wellbeing, but low expectations can also have a negative impact on people, especially, children and students. Children and students (and everyone) need to be encouraged, challenged and engaged with meaningful work, if they are to achieve some of their potential. There is a lot of research that suggests that a pervasive pattern of low expectations in schools harms the more vulnerable children or children from lower income groups. In the USA it has, for instance, been found that majority white and high-income classrooms were more likely to have qualities like the encouragement of students’ critical capacities, higher levels of student engagement, higher expectations, etc, which tend to positively impact student learning and confidence. These classrooms also spent twice as much time on grade-appropriate work than those with lower-income students. A quick search on the net also reveals that there is quite a bit of research that has been taking place for decades that suggests that the expectations a teacher sets for an individual student can significantly affect the student’s performance and future success, and some research has shown that teachers’ expectations were perceived as having pervasive effects on student outcomes.

And finally some music

“I always think of music as an interior decoration. So, if you have all kinds of music, you are fully decorated….”   Wayne Shorter (American worldwide recognised jazz saxophonist, improviser and composer)

I listen to all sorts of things and I’ve never devoted time to really delve into any one kind, so Wayne Shorter’s quote above kind of makes sense to me….  Where I live a lot of cultural events take place during the summer and over the last weekend there was a jazz festival, co-organised and hosted by the South Aegean Region and the Municipality of the island. My visit there triggered my revisiting old jazz CDs and music on the net from which I picked these two videos to share of Wayne Shorter at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfSEwffeK80 and the Natassa Mare Quintet that brings together Greek traditional music, the Mediterranean sounds and Rebetiko, using references to the ancient Greek way of writing through the vocalist fragments and free, avant-garde improvisation of Natassa Mare, as well as, jazz elements, free improvisation and the influences and sounds of the international musicians (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVWTeMs7Vkg&list=RDxXo1mXzSbWo&index=2)

Sadly, Mikis Theodorakis, the Greek composer who is renowned around the world, and whose music is more or less part of the interior decoration of most people in Greece…has  passed away. I’m posting two video links of a song composed by him from The Ballad of Mauthausen, a cycle of four arias with lyrics based on poems written by Greek writer and poet Iakovos Kambanellis, a Mauthausen concentration camp survivor (1943 – 1945). It reflects his own experiences, which he also narrates in his book with the title Mauthausen. Mikis Theodorakis, who has been credited for writing the most beautiful music on the Holocaust, set music to this material to create extraordinarily moving and haunting songs.

Two ladies with amazing voices sing:  Άσμα Ασμάτων / Song of Songs – Music: Mikis Theodorakis Lyrics: Iakovos Kampanellis. Enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNgVdj4M4KM   (2014 – Maria Farantouri)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeSVp65fI1M (1983 – Joan Baez)

“…… ..How beautiful is my love, pampered by her mother and her brother’s kisses. No one knew she was so beautiful. Mauthausen girls, Belsen girls, have you seen my love? We saw her in the icy square with a number on her white hand, with a yellow star on her heart… ”

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 Limiting beliefs, emotions and change                    Edited

“If you can’t learn, you’re screwed. Sort of period, end of story. That is like one of the fundamental limiting beliefs – is anything that gets in the way of your ability to learn and grow over time…” Rick Hanson, PhD

“I always say that “half of who you are is other people,” meaning that the beliefs, attitudes, and biases of the people around you gradually become your own.”  Michael Taft

“Labyrinths that we build or that are imposed upon us that make us run from demons, obsessive ideas and people. Something eats away at us inside and we lose our integrity. And those who could not endure and who collapsed by the lies /the deception of the world, those seldomly seen, became tough, almost invisible, so that each one of us could remain themselves …… We seek peace, listen to me it’s a big word and then we run /move fast, having a pardon paper for everything. And if we found the courage to get rid of our burden and not to be afraid of what we dream ……” (Lyrics by Παυλίνα Βουλγάρικη)

In today’s post I am providing some notes on schemata, limiting beliefs and emotions to accompany the resources that I am sharing, which you might also like to engage with, specifically, two recent podcasts about How to overcome your limiting beliefs at: https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-overcome-your-limiting-beliefs/ & How to Break your old patterns at: https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-break-your-old-patterns/

Schemata

In brief, schemata are mental structures that an individual uses to organize knowledge and guide cognitive processes and behaviour. Within psychology schemata are deeply rooted cognitive structures and beliefs that help define a person’s identity in relationship to others and the world; therefore, they influence interpersonal behavior and decisions. Schemata are determined by one’s early personal experiences and societal discourse and practices. People use schemata to categorize events based on common characteristics, to interpret and predict the world. Certain strategies of simplifying schemata might include or generate stereotypes and archetypes. New information is often processed according to how it fits into these old existing mental structures, which oftentimes becomes an obstacle to changing our ways of thinking and acting.

Maladaptive schemata

“I always say that “half of who you are is other people,” meaning that the beliefs, attitudes, and biases of the people around you gradually become your own.”  Michael Taft

Schemata contain core beliefs that are usually generated in early childhood as a result of an individual’s experiences with caregivers and other people. Our various secure and insecure forms of attachment give us a kind of script about the way in which our relationships are supposed to be and what we are allowed to do. Since they are often the outcome of early trauma, neglect, repeated negative messages about the self, limiting societal expectations and early meaning making about life experiences they form the core of one’s self-concept. Schemas help organize people’s knowledge about interactions between themselves and the world and colour their anticipations about the future for better or for worse, According to Young and Klosko the early maladaptive schemas we acquire are very impactful, firstly, because they include unconditional beliefs about who we are, what we can expect in relationships and how the world works. Secondly, because they developed in early childhood (they can be preverbal) and adolescence they can be very resistant to change. Thirdly, they are self-perpetuating, because they are repeatedly activated by events or things that resemble the original experiences for eternity, unless we disrupt the process.

As I mentioned, many maladaptive schemas are created when early childhood core needs aren’t adequately met. These basic needs are: safety, connection and love, autonomy and realistic limits, self expression and the chance to develop self esteem. Infants who aren’t provided with a relatively stable emotional environment or who don’t receive good enough care-giving can develop an abandonment schema, for instance. When children don’t receive enough love, guidance and attention they may develop an emotional deprivation or alienation schema. Autonomy allows healthy independence. If caregivers fail to teach self reliance and responsibility then they could develop an incompetence schema, for instance. Self esteem requires children to be loved, respected and accepted. When this is absent it can lead to the development of a defectiveness and shame schema. In a nurturing environment, children are encouraged to express needs and desires. When this natural self-expression is discouraged or punished, children are made to feel that their needs and feelings do not matter, and then they may develop a subjugation schema, perfectionism or an overdeveloped inner critic. Finally, when parents tend to be too permissive and overly indulgent, children may develop an entitlement schema, and so on.

Psychologist Jeffrey Young has identified eighteen early maladaptive schemas. Many of these have the capacity to disrupt and damage interpersonal interactions and hinder proactive decision making. Some schemata particularly relevant to interpersonal problems might be: a) unrelenting standards and intense self criticism. In this case one has high internalized standards to avoid criticism or punishment; b) abandonment and instability: a basic belief that significant people in one’s life tend to be unreliable and so the expectations of abandonment are high; c) mistrust and abuse: the expectation here is that one will be harmed through abuse or neglect; d) emotional deprivation: in this case there is the expectation that one’s needs for emotional support won’t be met; e) defectiveness and shame: the belief that one is defective, inferior or/& unlovable, which drives the expectation that one will be rejected; f) social isolation and alienation: the belief that one doesn’t belong or is different from others g) dependence and incompetence: the belief that one is incapable or helpless h) failure: the belief that one is inadequate or incompetent and will ultimately fail i) entitlement: the belief that one deserve privileges and is superior to others j) subjugation: voluntarily meeting the needs of others at the expense of one’s own needs, submitting to others to avoid consequences, or surrendering control to others due to real or perceived coercion.

The chained elephant

The drawing below was made for an older post (2016) as aprt of a practice I was experimenting with at the time – a;ltering books and visual journaling. The drawingreflects the theme in the story that writer and psychotherapist, Jorge Bucay tells in his book, The Chained Elephant, illustrated by Gusti Limpi. This story depicts the dynamics of early past learning and outdated beliefs that are frequently operating in the present. It demonstates beautifully how early experiences, childhood schemata and internalised messages from our social environment can keep us stuck in certain patterns and can influence ourr current experience and perception in unhelpful ways.

An extract from The Chained Elephant

“I remember when I closed my eyes, and imagined the small, newborn elephant, chained to a stake. I imagined the small elephant pushing, pulling and tugging with all its strength, trying to untie itself ….. I could almost see the little elephant falling asleep each night tuckered out by all this effort, with the thought of trying again the next morning……. Until one day, the saddest day in its short life, the little elephant just gave up and accepted its fate. It was now certain that it would never be able to escape…..

I understood why this huge and powerful elephant that I saw in the circus remained chained…. The poor animal had failure deeply etched in its elephant memory and it would never, ever again test its strength….. Sometimes I wake up with the thought that one day my elephant managed to uproot the stake….”

Change and growth

Psychological growth and behavioural change require among other things the change of our schemata or unhelpful set of beliefs. Cognitive change, and development, can be achieved through accommodation. Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget viewed cognitive adaptation in terms of two basic processes: assimilation and accommodation. Assimilation is the process of interpreting reality in terms of a person’s internal model of the world (based on previous knowledge and early experience). Accommodation represents the changes one makes to that model through the process of adjusting to new experience. Accommodation is the process of restructuring or modifying current schemata so that they match discrepant information.

Emotions

Understandably, when a schema is activated, it produces emotions. Not surprisingly, maladaptive schemas are tied to high levels of distressing emotions. This is termed schema affect, and it can include shame, fear, anger, guilt, despair, loneliness, a sense of emotional hunger, apathy and boredom, etc. Once a schema is triggered, then the relevant schema affect begins influencing a person’s experience and behavior. Part of growing and creating change require we feel and explore the whole spectrum of our emotions, both pleasant and painful ones. In times of loss or trouble our emotions can offer us insight. Karla McLaren, M.Ed, who has researched emotions, claims that all emotions have value and “in times of upheaval, loss, and trouble, many emotions will step forward to offer their gifts and their unique forms of genius. If you don’t know this, you may mistakenly respond to multiple emotions as if they’re problems in and of themselves.” Even suicidal urges can alert us to things not going well and the dire need for change. McLaren says that if we dialogue with a suicidal urge below the despair we often discover conflict between who we truly are and what we have become and a deep desire for change.

In our contemporary societies we have been socialized to suppress the so called “negative emotions”, which results in our banishing and stigmatizing a huge part of our human experience with negative effects both for our health and wellbeing, but also, for our decision making. For instance, sadness can bring insight of what we don’t like or miss and help us let go of things; grief helps us mourn and release what we have lost; situational depression alerts us to something being wrong or off in our lives, apathy and boredom might hide depression or allow us some detachment in situations, where we need to just carry on, like in a job we don’t like, but need  to do for the money, guilt alerts us to our being out of line with our values,  and so on.  In the previous post I referred to how exploring our anger can bring about change or motivate us to act and how not exploring it can lead to aggression, suppression of other emotions like fear or shame, and more suffering.  Problem solving requires awareness of all our emotions. This hyper focus in contemporary societies on positivity and the dysfunctional idea of negative emotions, which McLaren refers to as toxic positivity bias does not serve us, but is an effective way to maintain social control and to prevent people from shaking up the status quo by not complaining or demanding social change.

Limiting beliefs

The Wellbeing podcasts hosted by Forrest and Rick Hanson that I referred to above focus on some of the common beliefs and thought patterns that tend to hold people back, and ways to shift out of old patterns and build more supportive and life enhancing beliefs. During their second discussion they highlighted important categories of limiting beliefs: The beliefs that prevents us from learning in important ways, beliefs about our self-identity, self-concept, and sense of self worth and our beliefs around deserving good things.

This week’s episode starts with Dr Rick Hanson using a powerful analogy from Gulliver’s Travels to describe the dire effects of our limiting beliefs. Being someone who makes art I immediately conjured an elaborate image, something I could draw or paint. I was also, surprised because even though I read the book as a child I didn’t recall the scene straightaway, instead The Minpins, a story by Roald Dahl, popped up immediately. That’s how our mind works to save energy, sometimes for better and other times for worse, and that’s why we often need to slow down and become mindful of our thoughts in order to move into a more integrated way of viewing our self, our experience and life in general.  We imagine and we also make quick associations, based on common characteristics. In this case the common elements of the two stories were the little people and the adventure theme. Anyway, to come back to the analogy, Gulliver falls asleep in the land of miniature people and wakes up tied to the ground by a million fine threads, which altogether bind him and keep him chained. Rick Hanson says: “I think about a lot of the limiting beliefs that sort of, some of them are like chain cables – really, really hold us in place – but a lot of them are these small, little niggling self doubts or reasons or assumptions or expectations, that murmur in the back of the mind, that constrain us like a web or net made of thousands of little threads.”

The process that Rick Hanson proposes in this episode about how to change our unhelpful beliefs and shift into more proactive ways of being, and pass beyond what is not good for us is PASS. In brief, P stands for pause and become aware that you are re-activated, notice emotions and sensations, like you might be feeling spacey or numb or constrained. Consider the possible functions that the particular belief serves, both the benefits and drawbacks, as well as, how the beliefs are helping you avoid painful experiences or truths. A stands for appreciation of what is already working, the fact that you are still here, alive and breathing, and that you do have internal capabilities and whatever external resources.  S is for shift your view or limiting belief. Be objective, question the validity of the belief and whether it is currently serving you. Finally, S stands for stepping into a new way of being after having shifted you limiting belief/s. Focus on the potential positive outcomes of this new way of being and thinking.

They provide examples to demonstrate how a limiting belief can often be reframed, for instance, anxious can be reframed as cautious – preventing harm in order to promote and support a desired outcome. They also, discuss rate limiting factors that tend to have the most powerful impact. So, beliefs and other factors that “limit learning” are very consequential because it’s incredibly important for us to keep learning in this life. I deeply agree with this for if life has taught me one thing, this is that processes that stifle learning in an individual and broader societal practices that limit or discourage learning and change for the majority of people has disastrous effects and definitely does not serve humanity at large.

What are the beliefs that make you rule out what you’re allowed to ask for and say?

In addition, to limiting beliefs about our nature and worthiness, and capacity to learn, they also, explore limiting beliefs related to vulnerability and gender socialization.  They suggest that it’s important to at least ask oneself if one truly wants to or if it’s worth being complicit with certain systems. They also discuss perfectionism and self critical thoughts and beliefs that supposedly ‘keep us safe.” Rick Hanson says that a huge block is related to beliefs that enable us to avoid risking the dreaded experience….. and that these beliefs may seem to make sense, but the real question is not whether they make sense, but the function they serve. They also discussed the broader assumptions and expectations about the way the world is and the way that relationships are supposed to be. As I referred to above a lot of our maladaptive learning takes place in childhood through interactions with parents, but also muddled by interactions with teachers, friends on the playground, or whatever, as Forrest Hanson notes. They further talked about self-censoring beliefs, which we could maybe dismantle by asking: What are the beliefs that make you rule out what you’re allowed to ask for and say? Another useful approach they suggest is “to regard oneself as someone, who is never fundamentally defeated, that in the core of your being, you reject the Kobayashi Maru [no win situation] scenario from Star Trek ……that if only inside your mind you can take action there…..” and claim more agency and the identity of being a learner and someone who can cope.

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Counting the Stars – The Impact of Moral Harassment – Sitting with anger and transforming it into insight and wise action

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love” Carl Sagan

“I at least dream of a humanity that will have as its first goal the conquest of knowledge, a united humanity that will travel to the stars” Pavlos Kastanas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pbkWZMeUts

“Recently, a draft law was submitted according to which hazing is considered illegal and any act that humiliates or abases the individual in the school and social-educational environment will be punished. If we do not want our human relations to be completely regulated by laws, we must intervene preventively / proactively in children’s contexts” Marie-France Hirigoyen

“Step back from red zone reactions and observe them, like stepping out of a movie and moving twenty rows back in the theater to watch it.” Rick Hanson

This post is a continuation of the previous two, and it also reflects some of the things I have been engaging with in recent weeks. So, in today’s post I will refer to Dr Marie-France Hirigoyen’s book again, Ethical Harassment: Perverse Violence in Everyday Life, a beautiful cultural event that I attended, which concerned astrophysics and music created by Pavlos Kastanas and Yiannis Roussos. I will also give a link to Dr Rick Hanson’s new newsletter on anger and how we can “sit with it” and turn it into wise action and insight. Finally, I will share a slice of a painting I am working on this month.

Α. Ιn a previous post (August the 6th) I made a brief reference to Dr Marie-France Hirigoyen’s book, which covers a range of topics related to psychological violence and manipulation and the red flags that could warn someone about destructive communication dynamics in a variety of contexts. In that post I focused on this type of perverse communication. In this second part today my focus is on some of the severe consequences of this type of relating and communicating. Hirigoyen discusses the various ways moral harassment can impact the person who has been victimized – often over a long period of time. She talks about the consequences during the influence phase and the long term consequences. The different stages of the influence period are: resignation, confusion, doubt, anxiety, fear and isolation. Long term consequences include shock, dysregulation, separation or resignation from work, for instance, depending on whether it is a personal relationship or a work / educational situation, and finally, empowerment and growth. 

Before I carry on I’d like to briefly say that like Hirigoyen I use the term victim to highlight the factual reality of injustice or abuse of some kind having taken place, but I do not imply that the victim identity comprises the totality of a person or that an identity is permanent and fixed and not open to change and expansion. The field of victimology might be important because events can be anticipated and potential victims can become aware of and alert to their own unhelpful attitudes, limiting beliefs, vulnerabilities and gifts, red flags, unsafe situations and potential perpetrators. In the workplace knowledge and awareness helps the individual resist and reduce the possibility of being accused or further undermined. One definition of victimology suggests that it is among other things concerned with the integration of individuals that have experienced victimization. Hirigoyen also notes that ultimately anyone could be victimized. She writes: “According to Rene Girard, in primitive societies rivalries between individuals of the same group created situations of undifferentiated violence that spread through imitation and culminated in the extermination of one person or group of people. The death of the scapegoat caused the heroization of the victim. Nowadays the victims are no longer heroized, but if they are not considered innocent they must definitely be considered weak…. Here, on the contrary, we will see that the victims are usually selected because of a characteristic that they have and that the perpetrator seeks to appropriate….” Even if someone is not “scapegoated” to death, when a member of any group begins to change and become more empowered and more of themselves this threatens the homeostasis of the group / s they belong to, whether familial or societal. When someone decides to not read from the old scripts anymore this calls for change in the roles of those around them, which then leads to pushback with many detrimental short and long term consequences.

In the introduction of the chapter on the impact of moral harassment Hirigoyen writes: “As in a Hitchcock film, but also in Derveny Mamet’s Spanish Prisoner (1997), the plot is always the same: the victim is not aware of being manipulated, and only understands it when the violence is obvious and third parties intervene. The relationship begins with charm and seduction and ends with frightening psychopathological behavior. However, perpetrators leave traces that are interpreted in retrospect, when the victim has somewhat escaped the influence and has realized the manipulation. Hirigoyen writes: “As it has been proven, in the first phase the victim is paralyzed. Extermination comes in the next stage.”

Initially, the exercise of influence causes a) confusion in the victims who often complain that their mind is empty, that they find it difficult to think, that they feel a decrease in their abilities, and a mutilation of every spontaneous part of themselves. Hirigoyen writes that: “In this psychic battle the victim “empties” completely and gives up their identity…”. Confusion causes anxiety and immobilization. In the part describing b) doubt, Hirigoyen writes that “this is an inconceivable process. Victims and potential witnesses cannot believe what is unfolding before their eyes because this kind of violence and analgesia is unthinkable for any normal person and difficult to perceive. There is a tendency to attribute to the perpetrator feelings (guilt, sadness, remorse) which are unknown to him / her. The victim is stunned, does not understand anything and denies the reality… “. It is important to emphasize that the acceptance of the extent of submission by the victim is difficult and causes intense stress.

In the part of the book where reference is made to the c) stress experienced by the victim, Hirigoyen writes: with stress the body reacts, is put on alert, produces hormones, the immune system is taxed and the neurotransmitters of the brain are changed”. We know that when stress is not chronic and the person succeeds to deal with it, the body returns to a certain level of balance. But when a condition is prolonged or repeated at regular intervals, it exceeds our ability to adapt and so the constant changes in the nervous system and the prolonged production of certain hormones in high percentages have chronic effects on the physiology and psychology of the individual. Chronic stress can take many forms and affect a person’s health and life in a multiple ways. In the stage of d) fear the person is in a constant state of alertness as if walking on eggshells. The perpetrator avoids stress, fear or pain by loading / projecting them on the other, and victims have no way to escape until they understand the process and the dynamics. Finally, e) isolation intensifies all of the above. In addition, the victim does not talk to anyone about what is happening, so no help comes. Hirigoyen writes: “This underground extermination cannot be described in words…. Violence is obvious only to the victim. How can those around them imagine what is happening….?

Secondly, the detrimental long-term effects include shock and disbelief as the victim becomes aware of what has happened. Everything seems to be falling apart. Hirigoyen writes: “It is a sense of savage transgression, astonishment, overwhelm, collapse, which the victims describe as a physical assault…”. The person also realizes their pathological perhaps compromise and tolerance that were a fertile ground for the manipulation of others. Hirigoyen reminds us that human abilities are not inexhaustible and the victim will often be led to mental fragmentation and exhaustion, disorientation, dysregulation, health deterioration, post traumatic stress, intense loss weight or court procedures and other tangible losses. Also, during this phase the person might end up in psychiatric care or show suicidal tendencies, especially when they realize the extent and depth of the victimization, that there will not be any restoration and they will probably not find justice. The perpetrator at this stage will often push people to their limits, preferably in a public space.

At this point I will interrupt the narration because the next stages, of separation or leaving the workplace, healing and empowerment are part of the solution, treatment and support, and that is another big conversation and maybe the topic of a future post.

Β. In the previous post I included a quote by astrophysicist Pavlos Kastanas both because it was relevant to the bit about our planet and the universe and our human capacity for destruction, but also, because last week I attended an original cultural event with the title Children of the Stars. It took place out in the open under the trees and a bright lit night sky. Astrophysicist, teacher, speaker, Pavlos Kastanas or Astronio, as he is known, talked about astrophysics, the galaxies, the universe, the Big Bang, and other interesting things, in such a delightful way that could potentially engage even those least keen on science, while his friend musician, Yiannis Roussos, sang songs from the Greek repertoire that referred to planets and galaxies, many of which were poems of well known poets (there has been a long tradition of setting music to poetry in Greece).

Pavlos Kastanas also has a channel on the internet to spread scientific knowledge and news. He believes in the necessity of the democratization of knowledge and is concerned with the fact that we have created an elite of knowledge, which stays in the universities, while the rest of the world who does not understand much or knows what is happening, nonetheless influences the developments on the planet. In one interview he mentions that bridging the gap between scientists and the general public is the main goal of his effort. He says: “Astrophysics has revealed a fascinating universe and has radically changed the way we perceive our place in it. But this knowledge does not reach society and I consider this a huge problem. It is as if there are “humanities of different speeds”. That is, on the one hand, you have people trying to understand what is happening inside a black hole and through what natural processes the universe emerged, and on the other hand, you have people who do not know what the stars they see in the night sky are. This frightens me, it shows that we are divided as a humanity in a very fundamental part of our existence.” (ΚΑΘΗΜΕΡΙΝΗ – 4/3/2019).

C. Finally, I will end by sharing a link (https://www.rickhanson.net/beware-of-anger/) to Dr Rick Hanson’s weekly newsletter, Just One Thing, in which he explores both the importance of feeling and exploring our anger, and also, the negative effects of anger on our physiology, behaviour and relationships. As we know anger can motivate us to act, to set boundaries, to become aware of injustice or abuse, and to alert us to underlying feelings like helplessness, fear and grief, but we need to sit with our anger for a while and pause before we act in order to avoid getting hijacked by our anger or other intense emotions, so that we may act wisely and effectively, both in our private lives and in larger contexts.

As Rick Hanson says: “Anger is a particularly powerful trickster when it plays out inside and between groups. You can see this at all scales, from cliques in high school to office gossip to politics to war. A group will often form around shared grievances, and then defend and proclaim those grievances no matter what the facts are to maintain its cohesion and identity. Whether on the schoolyard in 5th grade or in nations throughout history, authoritarian leaders have exploited our social primate vulnerability to the appeal of grievance in order to acquire and hold on to power, inflating and even inventing grievances while promising to protect the group and avenge it against those who have wronged it. It is no small thing to find your own way inside such a group with such a leader. Or to find a way to relate to those in such groups with moral clarity and strength of heart – without being clouded or infected by anger yourself…… In my meditative tradition, I’ve heard it said that anger is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned. In relationships, families, organizations, countries, and the world altogether, there has been so much burning already in our shared human history. Too much burning. Too many minds burned up with anger.”