The fishbowl effect

I have been returning to Rick and Forrest Hanson’s offerings each week for quite some time now. I have been engaging with the weekly meditations, but also listening to their Wellbeing podcasts, which contain a great concentration of valuable or / and interesting ideas. So, today, I’d like to share a recent podcast (https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-building-relationships-that-last-with-dr-stan-tatkin/), in which Dr Rick Hanson, his son Forrest Hanson and Dr Stan Tatkin, an expert on human behaviour, and particularly the unique dynamics found in couples relationships (he’s also the creator of PACT, researcher and writer of several books), talk about how to build and sustain long term relationships. The main topics discussed are: the importance of our early attachments and what happens when children are neglected emotionally or when their needs aren’t met satisfactorily; the paramount importance of safety in our relationships and how to build safety through attention to physical cues; safety within family, friend, romantic, therapy or group contexts; the importance of eye to eye contact and the capacity to return the other person to safety; implicit memory (the body remembers); the importance of apology and willingness to repair, building a culture in our relationships and finding common values and principles; the relationship as a third entity, a shared mythology and vision; the necessity of protecting each other; the deal breakers, and the importance of entering relationships intentionally and constructing agreements; the most important characteristics in a life partner; the importance of taking care of our own well-being; social justice theory applied to relationships and the importance of fairness, characteristics of symmetric relationships, and much more. Stan Tatkin also mentions how kids that have been neglected have this fishbowl effect because neglect unlike abuse leaves people without having anything tangible to remember.

A quick search on fishbowl effect on the net generated the following:

1. As a teaching strategy: Fishbowl is a strategy for organizing large-group discussions. Students are separated into an inner and outer circle. In the inner circle, or fishbowl, students have a discussion; while students in the outer circle listen to the discussion and take notes.
2. Concerning leadership: “We often equate the role of a leader in an organization or business to that of a fish in a fishbowl. The leader swims around minding their own business and doing what they need to do. Meanwhile, the rest of the world views them through the perfectly translucent fishbowl. As a leader in the proverbial fishbowl, your actions are magnified or possibly blown out of proportion. Your associates rarely see things from your perspective, and, in this era of rapid change, we are experiencing a shift to increased transparency as employees and customers alike demand truth and honesty from their leaders and the people they do business with.” (Huffington Post)
3. On the capacity for fish to get attached to their owners.  It has been found that fish are able to recognize their owners and in some cases form an attachment. Many scientists that worked on the archerfish study report the fish appearing anxious and skittish if a stranger walked into the room, compared to a loving spit of water at a familiar scientist’s face.
4. In relation to privacy: Fishbowl is a word that refers to a large round container used to keep fish as pets and since most fishbowls are round and made of glass and have no spaces for a fish to hide in, the word fishbowl has come to mean a situation in which a person does not have any privacy.
5. In relation to fame and lack of privacy

In the book, Film and Television Stardom by Kylo Patrick Hart, the dead-end cycle of fame’s merry-go-round is described through first-hand reports. Hart writes: “The research conducted shows that fame changes a person’s life forever, and it is felt more as an impact or “overnight” experience rather than a gradual transition……. Becoming a celebrity alters the person’s being-in-the-world. Once fame hits, with its growing sense of isolation, mistrust, and lack of personal privacy, the person develops a kind of character-splitting between the “celebrity self” and the “authentic self,” as a survival technique in the hyperkinetic and heady atmosphere associated with celebrity life. Some descriptions of fame include feeling like “an animal in a cage; a toy in a shop window; a Barbie doll; a public facade; a clay figure; …” Being famous is variously described as leaving the person feeling “lonely; not secure; you have a bubble over you; family space is violated; a sense of being watched; living in a fishbowl; like a locked room; and, familiarity that breeds inappropriate closeness.”

6. Meanwhile, I’m reading Life in a Fishbowl by Len Vlahos. Fifteen-year-old Jackie Stone and her family are prisoners in their own house. Everything they say and do is being recorded and broadcast to every television in the country. The reason being her father, who is dying of a brain tumor, and has auctioned his life on eBay, in order to provide for his family when he’s gone, to the highest bidder: a ruthless TV reality show executive.

A quote from the book: “Their house was being transformed into a cruel kind of fishbowl, and all they could do was pucker and swim.”

Also, sharing some humoristic songs by Fotini Atheridou, a young Greek actress:

Λίγο Κουφή / Εναλλακτικά κουφή (A little deaf or Selectively deaf): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCRRGOXJ0wg

Αγαπώ Εσένα (I love you….just as you are…): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WisYgT4un1w

Γενεαλογικό Δέντρο (The genealogical tree): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSor8NC7P8k

Η Χειρότερη του Κόσμου (The worst in the world): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg7rWAGLSKo